When it Rains…

Have you had a time in your life when it seemed like you were taking one hit after another? You were living the saying, “When it rains, it pours”. Well, that has been my life lately. Mike went for what was supposed to be a routine upper endoscopy and tumors were found. The tumors were biopsied and turned out to be cancer. Tests were done and we were told the cancer had spread. One hit after another.

Today, we found out that Mike is negative for HER2 and PDL1. This means that he is not eligible for immunotherapy treatments. This in no way changes his prognosis – it simply closes a few doors. But, for me, it was another prayer answered “no”. And, while I understand that God knows more than I and He can see what I cannot, it felt like another hit.

Perhaps, this news struck me as hard as it did because my dad died from melanoma this past Thursday. He told me two weeks ago there was nothing the doctors could do to contain his cancer any longer and that they thought he had until early September. In reality, he had two weeks. Another hit. I have now lost my father to cancer and my father-in-law to complications from chemotherapy. And, today, I watched my husband begin his fight with this monster. Another hit.

The author of Lamentations also faced a time of distress. His words reflect how I felt this morning: “The thought of my suffering …is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time” (Lam. 3:19 & 20). I love that he did not sugar coat his feelings or try to hide them. He was brutally honest: “my suffering is bitter and I will never forget this”. He acknowledged that sometimes life just stinks. Sometimes the prayers are answered “no” – sometimes the hits keep on coming – sometimes the sorrow is overwhelming – sometimes it doesn’t rain, it pours. In those times, it’s ok to feel the sting and it’s ok to acknowledge the hurt. (Which I did for quite a while today.)

But, we don’t have to stay in that pain. As the author of Lamentations continues, “Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness” (Lam. 3: 21 & 22). Daring to hope takes a conscious effort. It requires looking beyond the moment, seeing above the circumstance, and focusing instead on God’s mercies. Mercy that provided the way for healing and peace to occur between my dad and I. Mercy that opened the doors for my kids to spend time with their grandfather before he passed. Mercy that led Mike and I to an awesome group of doctors who are positive they can help Mike beat this cancer. Mercy that protected my mother -in-law as she traveled to be here with us this past week. Mercy that comforted and strengthened Mike as he sat through his first infusion.

So, I am choosing to center my shaky faith on looking for God’s mercies in the middle of this storm.

If you are praying with us, please pray that Mike will not experience any major side effects from the chemo. If you follow Mike on Instagram or Facebook, be sure to check out his posts today. His sense of humor was not dampened at all by what he went through. 🙂