Our visit with the oncologist on Monday offered us a little hope. There is a possibility Mike’s cancer has not spread and is localized to his esophagus. I want to grab ahold of that hope and to truly believe that God is working a miracle. But, my mind is flooded with questions: Is this an answer from the Lord? What if it isn’t? What if we are facing the same diagnosis next Monday that we were facing this Monday?
I am again face-to-face with my shaky faith. Over and over the Bible speaks of God’s strength. In Jeremiah 32:27 God Himself says: “I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” Even as I type those words, my mind is bombarded with every prayer God answered in ways different from what I prayed and every question I have about why “bad” things happen. I have doubt and fear where I want to have belief and strength.
The Bible tells us the story of a father who confronted his shaky faith in a face-to-face conversation with Jesus. The father’s son was tormented by an evil spirit that made him speechless and often seized him and threw him to the ground. (Mark 9:17 & 18). His desperate father brings the boy to Jesus to be healed. I can picture what the scene may have been like: The father desperate and unable to help the boy he loves, hears of the miraculous signs and wonders Jesus is doing. The hope that must have flooded his soul. I imagine he was filled with excitement at the thought of having his son set free. They would be able to talk to each other and his son would no longer be in pain. Oh, how I can relate to hope he must have felt.
So, the father gathers his son and heads out to where Jesus is. Upon arriving he asks Jesus’ disciples to help him and they fail. The hope that led him there was shaken. As Mark records when Jesus asks the father about the boy, the father tells him of the boy’s troubles and says: “But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us” (Mark 9:22) “If you can…” If I am completely honest, I am there. I don’t doubt God’s ability to heal – I doubt He will. OUCH! It hurts to say that out-loud – to acknowledge the struggle within.
But the story goes on:
“’If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for the one who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (verses 23 & 24).
The father acknowledged his shaky faith and asked the only one who could, to strengthen it. What a wonderful God we serve! He calls us to have faith but understands our weakness. In fact, He promises us that His power is made perfect in our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9).
So, today, I am following the example set by that father. I am asking Jesus to help me overcome my unbelief – one shaky step at a time.