Cancer Sucks

The gastroenterologist who found Mike’s cancer happens to be the same doctor who sees me for IBS. Recently I had to go in for my yearly check-up. I was amazed by the emotions that hit me when I got there. The day we went for Mike’s endoscopy was just a regular summer day. I was looking forward to summer vacation and our soon to be trip to Bethany Beach. In fact, that week I had thanked God that my family seemed to be entering a calm season. A couple of hours later, Mike and I would hear the word “cancer” and life would change.

Sitting back in the office, my mind replayed those events as I waited for the doctor. A nurse came in to ask how Mike was doing. I fought back tears as I quickly summarized his treatments. She was gone less than a minute, when the doctor entered. He greeted me and immediately asked about Mike. I shared the good news of his progress and watched the surprised look that crossed the doctor’s face. He asked if Mike was able to eat and if he was still losing weight. He was happy – but surprised – to hear how well Mike is responding. On one hand, I rejoiced because God is clearly working in Mike. On the other hand, I was reminded just how horrible esophageal cancer is and, that we will never truly be rid of it. Even after these treatments are complete, there will be regular scans to check for recurrences which are an all too common problem for many esophageal cancer patients.

Cancer changes everything. Mike has been unable to work since the beginning of August. Some days he is able to do activities like shop or volunteer at church. Other days he is unable to get out of bed. Still others, he has energy but his hands and feet hurt too much to allow him to do what he wants to do. The kids and I carry on as normally as we can but our hearts are breaking as we watch him suffer. We know he is getting better but there is still an emotional toll. Some days we handle it well – some days we are a little more “touchy” with each other.

I forget more things now than I have in the past. Appointments often have to be rescheduled at the last minute. We hesitate to make plans because the future seems more uncertain.

None of this is easy and most of the time we don’t understand this and we definitely do not want to be going through this. But, through the ups and downs, we are learning to lean on God. Deuteronomy 31:8 (NLT) promises us “Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Matthew 6:34 (NLT) instructs us, “Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” So, we are working on living in the present by looking for and enjoying the good in each day — no matter how big or how small. All the while trusting that God knows what tomorrow brings and that He will be us through it all.